Oh what forces…
O, what forces my mind do tear,
When our paths by fortunes might
Are intertwined!
Wich must out suppressed lies.
My free will is muted by
The unspoken law!
Demon and Angel – A Story…
“What will be next?”, the little demon asked.
“I don’t know”, the angel said.
“But I don’t want to wait!”.
The demon was angry, angel always gave such answers. Since they first met, demon was hopelessly in love with angel. It first was ignored by both of them, as demons and angels don’t love each other. They even barely communicate, but always tend to fight each other, but it grew…
The relationship between angel and demon was different. When they met and talked to each other, it was as if God and Lucifer were drinking tea, together.
“Do you think it will work?”, demon continued to question angel, though he didn’t expect any answers.
“Maybe…”, angel quietly replied.
The girl and the Light
I saw her leaving.
That lovely little woman, that young girl.
She looked at me,
With a look of sadness as she reached out for the doorknob.
She opened the door and held still for a moment, took a deep breath while the setting sun colored her face orange. A warm orange wich seemed to make her skin more soft than it already was.
The breath she took was followed by a nearly invisible sigh, she blinked, when looking into the warm light.
She finally left and closed the door.
You’ll make it … ! (name removed)
I weep.
I weep.
I weep due to an idea wich lost it’s correspondent in reality.
Yet, if the idea is abstract, it bears a specific face.
The face of a specific woman.
Although I grievously experienced that the idea doesn’t conform to reality, the face persists.
To look at the woman is possible but looking at the idea makes me weep.
A tearless weeping, ’cause not my eyes but my heart weeps…
Haste!
Haste!
A moment of peace is needed, thus I’m running.
Scared? Don’t know.
From one person’s arms to another person’s lap, just to take a nap, a short break…
On a journey, where will it end?
Why am I running?
‘Blue eyes’ / About “Blue Eyed” people – 10th of april 2006
(This text is essential if interested in understanding ‘La Finale’)
Life is a puzzle and they’re not puzzeling. Instead they look puzzled facing all the different pieces.
Like: “AAAW, SO MANY DIFFERENT PIECES” or: “LIFE IS SOOO VARIOUS!”
They’re naive. They don’t try to fuse any of the pieces, living easily among the chaos, wondering where they fit in but not even trying to try to find the pieces wich fit. They don’t see connections that are obvious (for me, at last). They don’t seem able to add 1 to 1.
If they do, it happens accidentally and they don’t understand why and what is the consequence.
I usually skip these people, ’cause they don’t understand what I’m talking about!
La Finale – 10th of april 2006
So, this is how i’ts going to end:
After a week of not talking to each other, she finally called him to ask what he was doing on saturday evening. He didn’t tell her much but he told her where he probably would be in the evening.
So, she did appear in the ‘café’ where he had been drinking champagne with banana juice all the evening. At about half past eleven p.m. he walked right to the counter where she was sitting.
“Hello Mr. Strange”, she said.
“Hello Mrs. More-Strange”, he replied.
In the following Conversation wich he provoked by writing down a definition of the idiom “tacheles reden” (“to do some frank talking”), combined with the two questions: “Are you happy?” and “Do you need me?”, he had to discover that she was as naive as certain other people in his environment. She had “blue eyes”! (for further explanation of this term, see the homonymous blog entry)
Discovering that, he had to realize, that she never knew what was going on. She didn’t have a clue. All the hints given by him had been misunderstood. Regarding this, it was easy to understand why she alwayswas wondering about his behavior. Damn, how did he…
Why didn’t he recognize that she had no clue? why didn’t he see her ‘blue eyes’?
Usually, he instantly recognized such a… “state of mind” when dealing with people around him and moved on, instead of intensing the relationship. But this time, he failed.
He had to realize that most of the timehe had been projecting. He had been projecting so well that (in his mind) it became real.
So it was real… for him.
He even projected so well that he was able to make others believe in his dream, at least a bit… though they always tried to stop him from living that illusion.
Now, he somehow wanted to weep. But weeping vecause of the loss of an illusion is somehow not… “right”. No matter how big, how beautiful it was. But the feeling that illusion gave him is still somewhere in his… heart (aswell as the more intelletual aspects are in his head), The feeling of the illusion still exists. He only doesn’t try to project it out of his head anymore. The love he was feeling still lasts. Whether there is a target outside or not.
For it was too big, too incredibly big to forget…
So he lost a person but didn’t loose his love, because it always was in his head…
… and will always be!
Gnorel – 9th of march 2006
I told him that in principle he was right, but that I was very thoroughly in taking as much subjectivity as possible off of the topic. Likewise I were aware of the danger, wich arose through onesided examination.
He just replied shortly that paranoia was always thoroughly too.
The Cat
Snowflakes are falling outside
It is cold and was colder at night.
Here I am, in a cosy chair at home
Resting from my fights at night, alone.
In here it is warm, I like it.
Music’s playin’ softly. I don’t care.
No one will disturb me, they’re to busy
Going from A to C, forgetting to pass B.
They work and work until they forget
How nice it is to stay all day in bed.
When something interrupts my rest,
I just clean my fur to keep it best.
The movement of the snowflakes gets my attention
As long as I don’t want to spleep.
In here it is warm I like it.
Musics playin’ softly, I don’t care.
Diary entry – 10th of march 2006
Why is it always ascomplicated as possible when dealing witch love?
Someone said: “If you cannot be with the one you love, love the on you’re with!” .
I always refused to accept that, but if you underline the second ‘love’ in that sentence, it is indeed acceptable, if love would be that easy to provoke. Doesn’t someone fall in love? Doesn’t it just happen? I can only speak for me, I can’t provoke love. It would be as easy as to blind myself… Haha, grab a flashlight and do so… stfu! 
But why do I always tend to concentrate on people who are either emotionally or physically far away?
