that girl
it was nice to see that girl again.
she changed, she´ll be a mother soon
but somehow she is still the same 
The High Priestess
After like… 20 minutes or so, just lying next to her, hugging, I saw my arms glowing. White and cloudy… moving… beautiful…
If this is not a rapid result, what then?
Isn’t this, what I always wanted?
Why did I see that with her? Why don´t I see that with other people?
When I think of her (when I think about situations…) there seems to be a great potential of energy lying within the two of us which can be seemingly set free (when I think of my living room, it still makes me shiver…), or more accurate: can be unleashed when both of us agree to.
Sadly, after one or two moments that I appreciated, that I found magic, that gave me a glimpse of that hidden power, she didn’t seem to be in for more. I don´t really get why… maybe, my view on the matter is different from hers.
Maybe she can provoke such energy in anyone.
Maybe this is nothing special to her.
Well, to me it was… and still is. At least I know now, that people can be catalysts.
I guess I will now look for another one.
One that is willing to push me up to higher levels.
One that is willing to let me push it to higher levels.
This is just synergy… but at its best….
Things can be so simple…
Alone…
Why do i see every person around me being alone?
Why do i see loneliness whereever i look?
Sometimes, its so strong, it could make me cry…
And sometimes I think I´m wrong…
I´d love to be mistaken in this matter. The world I see is so cruel, so full of anonymity that it drives me crazy. We seem to cannot know each other truly. There´s so much in the way. So many things we experienced, so much loneliness, that we don´t open up.
Sometime I´d just like to quit this kind of being. Not for myself, but for all of us and start over…
A friend is gone…
I don’t feel well…
I don’t really know why… it’s just that I’m not really happy I guess…
A friend recently died, other friends went away and there was no replacement for them. And for a long time there was no woman at all who spent more than a few days with me and didn’t walk away on short notice.
What does it take to become a best friend?
Sometimes I think I’m just a good friend for too many people.
… on the other hand, I don’t really do much for becoming more than that…
It’s strange… I think I don’t really play well with others. Most of the time it’s exhausting for me to try to play their games…
It’s making me tired to be in their presence. All this emotional stuff…
I won’t say that I don’t feel anything… not anymore…
But there are people who seem caught in very emotional stuff which often makes them cry… but they won’t get out of there… they seem to have no interest in controlling their emotions… they can’t stop ‘em…
they’re like the old guy in the trailer for ‘the comedian’…
“get out of the booth” – “no, I like it in herrre!!!” =)
Well, I don’t mind leaving them there… but I just can’t really join them… and I wonder why.
Why did I get over a friends death so easily?
Sure, I mean it when I say that nothing is lost ever, that I believe that there’s a life after death…
fuck yeah… there’s no ‘death’ at all… it’s just that we loose our body… conciousness alsways stays…
Man, I guess I really believe…
Call me crazy, cry your eyes out, I don’t care (well, in fact, I do… but…)
I just can’t speak for others and I don’t want to go out there and tell my friend’s parents about that, because I haven’t fucking been where they are… loosing their only child…
I guess such sudden deaths cause us to rethink and reajust our beliefs… and maybe I’m just using my beliefs to escape the pain that is connected to loosing a beloved one by simply denying the loss in it…
but I don’t care, ’cause I believe and as long as I do, it’s real…
The Moon
Manchmal, wenn man zu den Sternen am Himmel aufblickt, fragt man sich, wie weit sie nun eigentlich weg sind… kann man sich die Entfernung überhaupt vorstellen?
Es überkommt einen dann diese jene Gefühl von Alleinsein, das einen als unglaublich klein und unbedeutend darstehen lässt…
Wenn ich den Mond nachts anschaue, denke ich mir oft: “naja, wenigstens ist er noch da…”
Ich denke in letzter Zeit oft an meine verpassten Chancen..
Chancen, in denen ich verpasst habe, Leuten gegenüber meine Achtung für ihre Taten auszudrücken. Chancen, mich bei Leuten für ihre Taten zu bedanken… aber vor allem, Chancen, Leuten zu sagen , dass ich sie liebe… und wie ich sie Liebe…
Ich weiss nicht ob man soetwas nacholen kann… aber ich hoffe inständig, dass dem so ist… oder dass mich diese Leute gut genug kennen, um zu wissen, was ich von ihnen halte und wie sie es zu interpretieren haben…
…*seufz*
“Why can´t you go find yourself, and make me want to know you?”
People sometimes get separated… separated from themselves.
And when separated, they start to wither… like a flower in autum.
They start to feel separated, lonely and unstable.. unbalanced.
They start to do things they normally wont do…
They start to get angry because they dont feel well.
And getting angry makes them hate themselves.
And the whole thing makes them feel even more ill and uncomrfortable,
Until they just wont agree with life anymore.
At that time they’re problably ill, and have some time to think.
The fever will do the rest. Clean their minds…
And when they wake up, they see things clearer…
But what if they dont get ill, what if theres no fever to cure them?
How long can one be separated from his usual way of being?
Does he end up, hating his life, wife and children because he didnt do the right thing at the right time?
- ’bout Angels -
“Without understanding why, very often these individuals will find cycles running virtually back to back carrying with them similar issues different people. If not careful the potential exists of a tired or broken spirit believing they were meant to be punished in some way by God or the Universe. What they may not understand is this type of exertion may jeopardize exactly the work they had come here to provide.” http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art45545.asp
Quote from Bash.org
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
- The Way It Is -
Wie ein Wasserstrahl
Ruhig, aber aus Bewegung bestehend,
Wie ein fallender Tropfen
In der perfekten Form, mit dem geringsten Widerstand fällt,
Wie ein Lichtstrahl, augenblicklich auftaucht…
Von Energie und Bewegung erfüllt, uns doch ruhig erscheint,
So ist das, was ich fühle,
Wenn ich nichts denke.
Manche nennen es stoische Ruhe, ich: normal.
Lass’ neben mir ein Auto gegen die Wand fahren,
Ich bleibe ruhig sitzen.
Lass’ rundherum Aggressivität herrschen,
Mich erreicht sie nicht.
Nicht Feuersturm noch Eisregen kann meine Seele bewegen,
Alle Geschehnisse der Welt bewirken nichts,
Aber ein Blick von ihr, nimmt mir den Verstand.
